Quickly, Before the Games Recommence!

There's little time, so here's a less loquacious take on the next round:

1 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. 6 Philadelphia Flyers
Two teams I feel guilty rooting for square off. I abhor Philly for fleecing us in the offseason and sticking us with Foppa for such a fleeting moment in time. I loathe Pittsburgh for the same reasons I've loathed teams the likes of the late 80s/early 90s 49ers, the late 90s Yankees, and this century's New England squads: they're just implacably good. However, unlike the aforementioned goliaths, this Pittsburgh team does not send out hate-able and sycophantic softheads like the Steve Young (actual offspring of one of the original Mormon Morons, one Brigham Young!), Derek Jeter, (whom women find attractive despite his clearly having hydrocephalus or, perhaps, fetal alcohol sydrome), or Tom Brady (my bile would not be contained by mere parenthetical ellipses). Crosby, Malkin, and company seem likable and hard-working, lest ye buy that the youngsters are prone to the latest "most heinous act in hockey." Some call it "diving," some call it "embellishment," but it just looks like soccer to me. I'd have to more to say on this, but let's get to the forecast for the week's games. I like the Penguins simply because of their youth, the time off, and the speed on defense. Philly can score goals aplenty, but their defense features some sloths, such as Derian Hatcher, who'll be hard-pressed to keep up with the young guns. Give me the Penguins in 6.

1 Detroit Red Wings vs. 5 Dallas Stars
Are the Stars in alignment? Brendan Morrow would bloody my nose for such punnery. Morrow would be my Conn Smythe pick, if forced to make one prematurely, but Henrik Zetterberg would be a close second. The Wings haven't really been tested, while the Stars have weathered the storms of two of the finest clubs in hockey. Who benefits, there? If this were any team but the Robotic Red Wings, I'd say it's good for the Stars, but it may favor the Wings, in this instance. My rationale is that I believe the Red Wings to be unflappable alien cyborgs who play the same regardless of opponent or pressure. Oh, how I hate them for it. Even if the Stars continue to be superb on both ends, this series will go deep. My only hope is that Turco continues his dominance and Osgood reverts back into Billy Batson. Give me the Stars in 7. This might be wishful thinking, but, sometimes, good does win out over evil, yes?

Before I dash, here is a bit of the ol' mainstream sports for you:
Things I could do in the span of time between Rafael Betancourt pitches:
1. Sing The Battle Hymn of the Republic. Or at least hum it.
2. Clean my room. In the dark.
3. Name the entire 1986 New York Giants starting roster. And I'm no Giants fan.
4. Procreate. Sadly enough.

Oh, and here's to Chris Lofton's remaining testicle!